Hit so Hard....

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I found it and I will post all the chapters here and if someone wants to save it they can...

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Letter One
Taylor,
I don't know what to say. Your the only person that will still talk to me. You always did forgive me. I know Ike hates me. So do Jessi and Avie. Mom won't let Mackie see me. I miss Zoe, I never really got to spend a lot of time with her. I did it to myself Taylor.
Everyone thought we had the perfect life, but come on Tay, you know all that 'famous' stuff wasn't always great. I was stupid to release my anger the way I did. I know I was.
Mom and Dad came to see me. I told them that they didn't have to come if they didn't want to. I don't think I'll be seeing them again. Dad looks like he is using all his control not to kill me. Tay, mom looks at me like a stranger she doesn't even know.
Tay, I miss everyone so much.
In the small amount of conversation we had, Mom told me that you go visit Lily sometimes. Next time you see her please tell her I'm sorry. That one word seems to be all I say lately, sorry. I should be saying it. I know. I have to go now. I love you, Taylor. Thank you for still being my brother. Right now your the only person I've got.
Zac
PS: You don't have to write back if you don't want to I understand, but if you don't mind I would like to still write to you. You don't even have to read it. I just have to tell someone. I have to have at least one person that I can at least pretend is listening to me.
Letter Two
Zac,
Ike is your brother. He could never hate you completly, but what you did was wrong. I think you've realized that though.
I went to the house the other day. Mom was home alone. When I walked in, she was listening to the old MON CD and looking through your baby book. She was crying. She misses you. The reason she looks at you like that is because you were always her baby. Even after she had our other sisters and brother you were still her baby. She lost you, her little boy.
Dad is just being dad. It's the way he is. Mackie asks about you all the time. Zoe does too. I visited Lily. I gave her your message. I think she already knew though.
Ike is going to be daddy. Julie found out yesterday. They are both excited. So are Mom and dad. I think its about time. They've been married 3 years.
Avie had a ballet recital. She was a Sugar Plum Fairy. I think she is going to grow up to be in the New York Ballet or something.
Reporters still stop us every time we leave the house. We always say No Comment. Damn nosy tabloids. I never did like those people. Well, I'll talk to you later little bro'
Taylor
PS: Mom wants to see you. We'll be there next week. Dad isn't coming.
Letter Three
Taylor,
Thank you for bringing Mom to see me. I was thinking about Lily. I always do. I remember the day we met. I told Mom and dad that I wanted to go up in a hot-air balloon for my birthday. By some strange miracle they agreed. You and Ike wouldn't go up with me. Chickens. Just kidding Tay. When we got there she was already in the basket. I didn't like the idea of going in a hot-air balloon with some girl I didn't know and the old balloon driver.
At first we stood on opposite sides of the basket. She finally talked. Hi I'm Lily.
That was all it took I was in love. I hadn't even taken the time to look at her and I was already in love with her. We talked the entire ride. She had heard of the band even had one of the CDs. She wasn't like the other fans though. She didn't start screaming or hyperventilating. She talked to me like I was any other guy you just happen to meet in a hot-air balloon.
It was fun Taylor. I was 14 and in love. I had given her my phone number and she had given me hers. We were lucky that old driver had a pen and some paper.
Do you remember, Tay, what I looked like when I got out of the basket? I felt like I was floating. I remember when we got home you said. Zac you're not in the balloon anymore. Wake up. It did feel like a dream.
I wish sometimes that that day could have been erased. That I would have never met Lily. That Mom and dad would have said no. Maybe none of this would have happened. I wouldn't be here and Lily wouldn't be there.
Then I remember something you told me one time. Everything happens for a reason. If someone's going to play a role in your life and you miss meeting them one time, you will meet them eventually.
So what is the point in wishing one day away? I would have met her some other way, eventually. I have to go now. As always I will write again.
Zac
PS: Tell Mom I love her, Lily too.
Letter Four
Zac,
I remember the day you met Lily. All day you had that stupid grin on your face. I thought you would never shut-up about the girl in the balloon. I'm sorry I didn't listen and was so mean that day.
If I remember correctly I had just broken up with Jane, or maybe it was June. I don't remember but I was in a bad mood. That was also the day Ike met Julie. She worked there. Strange, you both met the loves of your life on the same day. Yet you ended up so differently, Ike and Julie are happy, married, and going to be parents. Then you and Lily are-well, you know.
Jessica brought her boyfriend to diner yesterday. I didn't like him. Everyone else did though. You wouldn't have liked him either. He is your age. His name is Jake or Justin or Jared. Can't remember but it starts with a J. He reminded me too much of myself.
Mackie's soccer team won their first game. Our little brother is gonna be a sports star. He was awesome. Well, brother I have to go. I promised Mom I would let Zoe and Mack come over here while she takes Jessie and Avie shopping.
Taylor
PS: Mom sends her love.
Letter Five
Taylor,
It seems as though everyone is growing up back home. I hope they don't forget me.
I was thinking of Lily again as always.
Our first date. Remember you drove us to the movies. Lily and I were both nervous out of our minds. I remember she was wearing a sweater, light blue. Her hair was down and she smelled like the air right after it rained. Mom had told you to sit in-between us. Of course you didn't. As a matter of fact you never came into the theater with us. I always wondered where you were.
Anyway, my hands were sweating like crazy. I thought I was going to lose my mind. Finally I was watching the movie. Then from nowhere her hand was on mine. I just looked at her and smiled. We sat like that through the rest of the movie.
You were in the lobby when we came out. You were giving me the weirdest look. Tay all we did was hold hands and it was the most perfect day in my life. Where were you that night Tay? Maybe someday you'll tell me.
Tell Mackie that I said hi and that I miss him very much. I have to go now.
Zac
Letter Six
Zac,
You want to know where I was that night? I was at the back of the theater.
I knew it would be a real drag having your brother there on your first date. So I kinda hid out.
I watched you two. Just to make you sure you weren't doing anything I would do.
I was so jealous of you Zac. You two looked so perfect together. You were lucky to find a girl like Lily and she was lucky to have found you before you, you know. I hope I find someone I can love like that someday.
I'm so glad you turned out different from me. After about the age of 14 I never actually watched a whole movie when there was a girl present.
Mackie says he misses you too. He told me to ask you to send him a letter. I have to go.
Love,
Taylor
Letter Seven
Taylor,
I never knew you were there. What you said was half true. I was lucky to have met a girl like Lily. Her life would have been better if she would have never met me though. Don't try to tell me otherwise. I know. I have come to terms that all the pain she had was caused by me.
I know you will meet a girl like her someday. You'll be happy, get married, and have kids. You won't screw up something so perfect like I did. Speaking of perfect I have another story to tell you about me and Lily. Lily wanted to go on a picnic. The weather was perfect. We packed a basket. She cut the crust off her bread.
I thought that was really strange. We walked to the park. There were a few kids on the swings, a couple of teen-agers smoking by the slide, and one old couple walking around the pond. Lily made a big thing about how cute it was that the people were that old and still holding hands. It didn't strike me as strange since Mom and dad had always held hands I thought it was normal.
This was the day she told me about her family. She was an only child. She told me about her parents divorce. She spoke bad of her father. I knew she must not have been close to him. She wouldn't tell me why she didn't like him. So I dropped the subject.
I don't know how it could rain on such a perfect day but it did. The kids, teen-agers, and old couple ran to their vehicles. I got up to go but Lily stopped me. She asked me the weirdest question.' Do you take a shower?' I told her yes then she asked me what I take a shower in. I answered again, water. By this time I was almost soaked. She had one more question though.' What is Rain?' Obvious answer, water. 'And do you like taking showers in water?' I told her I loved to. Her next question is one I will never forget. 'Then why are you trying to run from something you love? Rain is water. Just like a shower. Don't run from it, it won't kill you.' I just looked at her and that's when it happened. We kissed. My first kiss. It was perfect. Perfect.
I only disagree with the last thing she said. Sometimes the one thing you love will kill you.
Love,
Zac
PS: I enclosed a letter to Mackie. Would you give it to him?
Letter Eight
Mackie,
Hey buddy. I heard you did awesome at your soccer game. Do good and stick with it.
One more thing buddy. Be a good big brother to Zoe for me. Take good care of her OK. Well, I need to go now.
Love,
Zac
Letter Nine
Zac,
I went to give Mackie your letter. Dad said that he doesn't want you to communicate with any of the kids. He is being a jerk. He thinks that you'll be a bad influence on them. I'm sorry.
Ike is really getting into this father thing. Julie is only three months and he is already asking me to help with the nursery. I just don't see how he can be so excited about having a kid after living with all our brothers and sisters.
You last letter really touched me. That was so incredible. You and Lily were meant for each other. What you said seemed so perfect. Like something out of one of those stories that used to be on the net when we were younger.
I met a girl. She was nice and pretty. I met her at the library. We wanted the same book. Strange that I don't even remember what book it was now. I let her take it. Congratulations to me I was nice for once in my life. You should be proud. I didn't even ask for her phone number. Now that I realize I may never see her again I really regret not getting it.
Well I have to go do the my laundry. You know that is the only thing I miss about being at home. Bye.
Love,
Taylor
Letter Ten
Taylor,
I hope you see this girl again. If you and she are meant to be I'm sure you will someday.
I'm sure dad has a good reason for not wanting Mackie to communicate with me. I will miss not getting to talk to my family, but I've always got you.
I have a picture of Lily beside my bed. It was one of the only things they let me keep. The picture was taken on our second date. The fair. Now that was an experience.
Lily's Mom said she would take us to the fair. I for one was excited. It would be the first time I had went to a fair without thousands of little kids. She gave us some tickets then told us the meeting place and time, 10 at the Ferris wheel. Lily and I walked down the midway. We played a few games. Then decided we would go ride some rides. I had forgotten to take any medicine so I wouldn't get sick, but Lily looked like she really wanted to ride the ride. I think it was the Scorpion. So I went anyway. The ride flipped, spun, jumped, and shook. I ran off the ride straight to the trash can. It was horrible.
After my trash can experience we decided to just walk around. It had never crossed my mind that a fan might see me there. We were walking along holding hands. When this girl came from no where and started screaming at us. I think she scared Lily. I guess I was used to it. We didn't think anymore about it. I told her it was just an obsessed teenie-bopper. As we continued walking I began to notice a crowd following us. The crowd was growing and appeared to consist of teenage girls. I decided to turn and nicely ask them to leave us alone. Boy was I in for a surprise. When I turned to talk to them one asked me if the girl I was with was my girlfriend. I obviously said yes. Then they all started crying. I didn't know what to do. Lily just starred. She wasn't quiet used to the whole fans following you everywhere thing. I gave them all an autograph and they slowly left wiping their eyes. Lily still had a stunned look on her face. It was almost 10 so we started towards the Ferris wheel.
The night was not over yet. We waited until 10:30 for Lily's Mom. She didn't show up so we went looking for her. We found her. It appeared she had had to much to drink. She was dancing with a pig in the Ag barn. We had to call a cab to take us all home.
If you get a chance tell Ike I said congratulations. He probably won't care but do anyway. Well, its diner time. Bye.
Love,
Zac

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Letter Eleven
Zac,
Your date does sound as though it was quiet an experience.
I saw her again. I was at the laundry mat. Mom says I can no longer dump my dirty laundry on her. We talked until our clothes were done. She is even nicer than I had expected. She told me about her dogs and other pets. She told me that she washes her clothes every Saturday at three. I think I now will like doing the laundry. I know this letter was short but I'm not feeling well. I think I've gotten a cold from Zoe. Bye.
Love,
Taylor
Letter Twelve
Taylor,
Your letter was short. I hope you get better soon. I'm sure that you and this laundry girl are destined to be together. I don't believe in consequence. I have another Lily story if you care to read about it.
We were leaving to go to New York for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Lily came over before we left so we could say good-bye. You were in one of your bad moods. I believe you hadn't had a girlfriend over for about two days.
Lily and I walked outside to the backyard. Partially because it was nice outside and partially to get away from you. She was wearing a yellow fleece sweater. For a long time we just sat on the ground looking at each other. I didn't want to say anything because the sooner we said good-bye the sooner we would have to leave.
So are you going to tell me good-bye? she said looking at me with wet eyes.
Sorry I'm just not to great at this. I've never had to say good-bye to someone I loved. I mean well besides family. I said picking at the grass.
You love me? she asked.
Of course. I mean if you want me to. If you don't....
She quieted me placing her fingertips on my mouth.
We kissed. I had never kissed anyone like that. It was different. I just can't explain it.
Dad came to tell me it was time to leave. We got up and walked inside. I walked her to the door. Her mother had been waiting in the car. She kissed me on the cheek and whispered 'I love you' in my ear. My knees had never felt so weak. I thought I was going to fall right into the rose bush.
So I know this story was a little mushy. So sue me. Have fun washing your laundry.
Love,
Zac
Letter Thirteen
Zac,
Your last letter was amazing. I felt like such a baby when I was reading it. You have to quit making me cry.
I saw her again when I went to do my laundry. Oh I suppose I should tell you her name, Paige. I finally got up the nerve to ask her out. To say the least the night was eventful. Excluding all the food dropped and drinks spilled on us I think it went rather well. At least we're going to go out again.
Family updated time. Jessica broke up with the boyfriend I didn't like, he cheated on her. Mackie scored the most points in his last game. Avery got poison ivy when she went out camping with her friend. Zoe got her first time out. She punched out a little boy. I feel a little sorry for her, having to go to public school and all. Well I have to go. I promised Paige that I would go to some banquet she has to go to with her.
Love,
Taylor
Letter Fourteen
Taylor,
Tell Ike and Julie that there is someone who hopes they make it through. I'm so proud of all our little brother and sisters. They are becoming great people. I thought they would be screwed up forever from being hauled behind us everywhere we went. Which makes me think of another story. Are you getting sick of these yet?
The whole time in New York was horrible for me. I was miserable. I never thought that I would get so attached to a girl. This made me believe what I had said before we left. I really did love her. Every time I saw a lily at a flower stand I thought of her. Every time I saw anything that was in any was related to a hot air balloon I thought of her. Every time I saw linoleum I thought of her. Ever time I saw anything I thought of her.
I thought the three weeks we were gone was never going to end. I was a bit anxious the whole trip home. You wouldn't remember. You were asleep the whole trip home. No, I never told Mom you were tired because you snuck out to that party. OK back to the story. When we got home there was a note on the door. I was there first so I read it.
Zac, I had to take Lily to the hospital. Tulsa Children's. Come as soon as you can.When we got to the hospital. I jumped out of the car and sprinted to the doors. When I entered I saw Lily's mother sitting in a chair in the waiting room. She called me over and told me everything. Lily's appendix has ruptured and they were operating. They said she would be fine since her mother had gotten her there so quickly instead of waiting.
Lily's mother, Ike, and I sat in the waiting room until the surgery was over. The doctors came out and told us we could see her. Her mother and I went in, Ike said he would wait outside. She was still asleep. We sat for a hour just watching her. A nurse came in and got her mother so she could go fill out some papers. After she left I scooted the chair closer to her bed, took her hand, and laid my head on the edge of the bed. I sat and talked to her about everything. She didn't talk back. The nurse finally came and told me it was time for me to leave. As I walked out the door I looked at her and said good-bye. She opened her eyes and said good-bye. She had been awake the whole time. She had heard everything I had said. Those things that I had said were the realizations I had come to about loving her while I was in New York.
Ok well that is all brother. Good-bye.
Love,
Zac
Letter Fifteen
Zac,
Your last letter made me think. You dropped everything for Lily. You were right there when she needed you.
I love Paige and it scares me to death. I just can't tell her. I haven't loved anybody since Rhonda. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can commit to only one person. That is what Paige deserves, but I can't give her that. I think I'm going to breakup with her. It would be for the best.
Julie and Ike went to the doctor. The baby is dead. Julie is a wreck and Ike isn't much better. I helped him take down all the things he had up in the nursery. I took all the thing they had gotten back to the stores for them. Ike wanted to be a father so badly.
I have to go now. Paige is coming over.
Love,
Taylor
Letter Sixteen
Taylor,
Don't be afraid of what you feel. You have to tell her before it's too late. I pray this letter gets to you before you do something stupid. Rhonda has been gone a long time. I know she will always have a place in your heart, but you have to move on. If you don't you'll be alone, like me. I don't want to you to have to suffer like that.
Time for another story. If you ever bore of these just let me know.
Lily and I were sitting in the kitchen drinking some lemonade. Everyone was out for the day. You were out with some girl, Ike was out with Julie, and mom and dad had taken the munchkins to see some Disney movie. Did I mention it was Valentine's Day?
I had planned this candle light dinner thing I saw in one of mom's old black and white romance movies. I had everything planned. We would have pizza. Remember I was 14 I didn't know how to cook. I had the table set up in our room. I racked my brain for some reason why Lily and I needed to go upstairs. I said I had to show her this new shirt I had just bought.
When she saw the table she did the whole this is so sweet Zac teary eyed thing. I thought it was quite cute.
I pulled out her chair like a nice gentleman and we ate our lovely gourmet diner of pizza with a glass of Dr. Pepper to wash it down. After we finished that I went downstairs to get the cake you and I had baked and Lily's present. I was so nervous it was unreal. I was afraid she wouldn't like the present. I had been listening to your and Ike's stories about all the girls that had broken up with you on Valentine's Day. When I got back she was looking at the pictures in the dresser. Most of them were of she and I. I just sat and watched her pick up random pictures and stare at them like she was trying to recreate the time it was taken in her head exactly. I finally decided to make my presence in the room known. She turned and looked at me, shyly hiding her face.
I walked over took her face in my hand and told her, Don't hide your face. You shouldn't hide something so beautiful. and she said, Zac that is the corniest thing you have ever said. We both ended up laughing.
We sat down on the bed and I handed her a tiny box wrapped in silver paper that caught the light as she opened it. Inside the box was a piece of rope, a ticket, and a small silver ring . She looked at me questioningly. I explained the gift to her.
The rope was from when we met. I had taken it as a souvenir of my balloon ride. The ticket was from our first date. It was my ticket from the movie. The silver ring was from our second date. I had bought it at a small booth but in all the confusion of that night I had forgotten to give it to Lily.
By the time I had finished telling her what the presents meant she was crying. She told me that she hadn't even remembered to get me a present. Then she kissed me. I expected her to pull away from the kiss like always, but she didn't. She just keep going. I, being the red blooded young American boy that I was, wasn't about to object. I will not go into details as to what we did that night as not to make you sick.
I now realize that we weren't ready to do something that has so many consequences. Fourteen is too young to have sex. Too bad you don't see these things when they're happening. I think that is how most people make mistakes, you know, one spilt second decision that affects the rest of your life. We make little decisions all the time never giving them a second thought. I have learned that every decision you make, no matter how insignificant you find it, should be thought about seriously.
Love,
Zac
Letter Seventeen
Zac,
Your last letter made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. It was a big mistake for you and Lily to do anything when you were that young.
I have been reading your stories for a long time. Now I have a story for you.
Rhonda and I were so happy. We had been married for a year. She was pregnant with our first child. I was so in love with her, but I was getting bored. I missed being single. I wanted to party. I wanted to be young again. I felt like I was becoming old too soon.
I started going out after work. Telling Rhonda I had to work late. I was really cheating on her. I can't even remember how many different women I slept with. I was breaking every vow I had made on our wedding day.
She finally found out about the other women. I think she knew all along but thought I would finally break down and tell her. By this time she was 8 months pregnant. She left me and moved back in with her mother.
She didn't even call me when the baby was born. It was a girl named Olivia. I only saw her twice. She had her mothers red hair. She looked just like her. The only way you could tell she was mine were her eyes. Rhonda wouldn't let me see her. I feel into a depression. You know how they say you don't really realize what you have till you lose it. That is absolutely true.
One day she came to my house. I thought maybe she wanted to get back together. I was wrong. She had came to tell me she had gotten married. By this time Olivia was almost two. She asked me to turn over my rights to Olivia so her new husband could adopt her. I was outraged that she would actually ask me that. I told her I wouldn't do it. I had no intention of giving up my rights to my daughter. I walked her out when she opened the door Olivia turned to the man sitting in the passenger seat and said, 'Daddy who is that man?' I can still hear her saying that over and over.
I went to the lawyer the next day and signed the papers to give up my rights. When I did I felt like part of me had been ripped into tiny pieces. I haven't seen Rhonda or Olivia since.
This is why I'm so afraid to get serious with Paige. I don't want to hurt her. I have a history of doing that and she deserves someone better than me. She deserves the stars. She should have the world. I love her so much but I don't know if I should. I'm so confused.
Miss a lot when your away don't you? Well, your now filled in on what has happened in my life since you went away. Bye.
Love,Taylor
Letter Eighteen
Taylor,
I guess you do miss a lot when your gone for 5 years. I had no idea you had been through so much. I am so sorry. What happened to you was mostly your fault. Then again I'm not the one who should be analyzing other peoples mistakes. I hope you can get over this and find happiness again. I just have a feeling Paige is right for you. How are Ike and Julie?
Story time. I swear I'm starting to sound like Mr. Rogers. Then again I don't have the wardrobe variation that he does.
I called Lily to see if she was coming over. Her Mom told me she was sick. I decided to go see her. Just to make sure she was OK. Ever since the hospital I had been nervous every time Lily got sick.
When I got to her house her mother told me she was up in her room and asked me to take her some Jell-O she had just made for her on my way up. When I entered her room she was rolled over her head hanging off the other side of the bed. She was vomiting in a bucket by her bed. I walked over and sat beside her and waited for her to sit up. She just rolled up onto the bed when she was finished. I went to the bathroom and got a wet towel to wipe her face with. She looked horrible. Her hair was clinging to her face with sweat, her face was pale, and her checks were bright pink.
Are you OK? I asked her.
Yeah I'm fine. I think it was something I ate. I hate being sick, she said laying her head in my lap.
Is there anything you need? I asked brushing the hair off her face.
Will you sing to me? she asked rolling her head so that I could see her face clearly.
I sang to her until she threw up again that is. After that she told me something that she said only her mother knew about. Her father beat her. That is the reason her Mom left him. She said he hurt them more than I could ever imagine. If felt so sorry for her. I have to go now.
Love,
Zac
Letter Nineteen
Zac,
I don't know what came over me. I was thinking of breaking up with Paige just a few weeks ago. Now I've done something some would consider stupid. I asked her to marry me.
I know this is so rushed. We've only been dating a few months. But I feel something for her that I have never felt for anyone. Not even Rhonda. I love her with every part of me. I would do anything for her.
She hasn't answered me yet. If she says no I have no idea what I will do. I might go crazy. I've lost Rhonda, Olivia, and you. I can't lose Paige too. This unimaginable void was filled when I met Paige. For the first time in years I feel happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don't want to ever feel that void in my heart again.
I know this letter has been rushed and maybe a bit confusing but I had to tell someone. Your the only person I knew would understand me.
Love,
Taylor
Letter Twenty
Taylor,
Let your heart lead you. It will take you were you need to go. I hope you find love and happiness with Paige.
This is the last story Taylor. Excuse the tear stains on the paper.
I was sitting on the bank of the pond in a field behind Lily's house. She had asked me to meet her there. I saw her walking from the back trail. When she got around to the side I was sitting on she just sat down. She didn't say a word. Just laid her head on my shoulder and grabbed my hand.
We stayed like this for a while. The wind blowing the warm May air around us. The smell of the blooming wildflowers invading our sences.
Why'd you want me here? I asked.
I have to tell you something, she said moving away from me.
What is it? I asked wrapping my arm around her to pull her closer to me. ,p>She turned towards me, looked straight in my eyes, and said I'm pregnant.
She put her head down in her lap and cried. I let go of her and stood up.
I was shocked. A million things were running through my brain. I was already stressed because of the band. This just hit me as too much.
Zac, she said looking up through bloodshot eyes.
Her voice sent waves of anger down my spine. I had never felt so much hate in my life. All I wanted was for her to be gone. For the baby inside her to be gone.
I pulled her up to her feet and hit her with all the strength I had. I delivered blows to her stomach. For some reason all I wanted was to beat the baby out of her. I wanted to kill it. My baby. Our baby. I wanted it dead. It would ruin my life.
I moved my punches to her face. She stumbled and fell to the ground. I walked towards her and began kicking her abdomen with my boots. I know she was screaming for me to stop but her pleas had no effect on me. My brain wouldn't register her cries. I just kept kicking.
I stopped for a moment and watched her roll of the bank into the water. She was unconscious. I watched her sink.
I don't know what happened next but a realization of what I had done came over me. I jumped into the water and found Lily. It was too late. She was dead. I held her to my chest and cried. I kept telling her to wake up. I told her that it was too cold to be swimming and we needed to go change into some dry clothes. I kept making reasons why she had to wake up and get out of the water.
Her body laid limp in my arms. The blood from the wounds on her face was seeping onto my shirt. I couldn't move. I just stood there soaking wet, covered in her blood, holding her. I buried my face in her hair and cried.
That how you found me.
When I was in the police station one of the officers gave me an envelope. He said they found it in the pocket of Lily's jacket that was left on the bank. I opened it and read.
Dear Zac,I want to tell you this in person. I don't know maybe I will and just keep this letter forever. I am pregnant. Our child was conceived on Valentine's Day. How romantic. Now if only we weren't 14. I have decided that I will get an abortion. I know this is your child too. I just can't handle having a kid. I'm only 14. I know you will probably hate me but I still love you no matter what.
Love, Lily
She was going to get an abortion anyway. I killed her for no reason. Why didn't I just listen to her? I killed someone. The guilt I feel is enormous. Next week will almost be a relief for me. I just don't want to die alone. Taylor they allow a family member to be present for the execution. It would mean the world to me if you would be there. I know Mom and dad won't want to.
Love,
Zac
PS: Tell everyone that I love them and will miss them.

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Taylor and Paige walked down the cold halls of the prison. The guard leading them hadn't said a word since they had told them who they were and where they needed to go. Taylor looked over to Paige and squeezed her hand.
When they entered the room the preacher and Paige's sister were already there.
"Paige come with me I found a room where you can change," her sister, Cathy, said pulling her to a door on the far side of the room.
"Your brother is in a holding room. I'll take you to him," the guard said motioning Taylor to follow him.
Taylor walked into the dimly lit room and looked at Zac. His hair had been cut short and he looked 20 years older. Prison had aged him greatly. Taylor walked towards him and gave Zac a hug. Tears were falling from both of their eyes.
"I missed you so much." Zac said squeezing him harder.
"I missed you too Zac." Taylor said leaving the embrace.
"Zac, I have something to ask you. Will you be my best man?" Taylor asked a bit of a laugh in his voice.
"Taylor I don't know if you've noticed but I'm in prison. I don't think they are going to let me out to go be in your wedding." Zac said.
"They don't have to let you out. Paige and I are getting married right here," Taylor said smiling.
"Now hurry we have a wedding to go to," Taylor said motioning Zac to follow him into the other room.
The preacher stood in the middle of the room. Taylor and Zac stood to one side of him. The doors opened and Cathy walked down the 'aisle' wearing her brides maids dress. Next came Paige. Taylor started to glow as she got closer. Zac watched closely as the vows were said. This was the best last memory he could have asked for. Tears welled up in his eyes as they kissed.The guard announced that it was time for Zac to go and that Taylor needed to be at the execution room is thirty minutes.
After finally persuading Paige to go ahead back to the hotel with Cathy and that he would be OK Taylor walked to the execution room. He looked in the window as he walked by.
Zac was laying on the small hospital bed. Tubes were connected to him and machines surrounded him. Taylor walked inside. He sat down beside Zac and held his hand.
"Taylor, I'm scared," Zac said releasing a wave of sobs.
"Its OK Zac. Lily is going to be there," Taylor said.
The doctor looked at Taylor and said it was time. The machine was turned on and the lethal drugs took over Zac's body. Slowly the grip on Taylor's hand disappeared. Zac was dead. Taylor laid his head on the bed beside Zac and cried.
Taylor, his mother, Paige, and the preacher had been the only ones to attend the funeral. Diana had cried. Taylor had cried. Paige had been strong for them. They slowly left the grave site and piled into the limo and drove away.
Walker stepped out of his car when he was sure everyone else had left. He knelt down beside Zac's grave and just stared.
"Zac, I'm sorry I didn't go see you or let you talk to anyone. I was just so disappointed. You were my boy. You were even the one who looked like me. I always thought I would give you tips on how to get out of trouble with your wife. Ike was so great with girls I wouldn't have to worry about that. Taylor well Taylor just never seemed like one to settle down. I wanted to see you go to college and lead a great life. Not that the one you did live was that bad. You were so talented. I was and will always be proud of you. I know I didn't say it too much but I love you. I just was too dern stubborn. I hope I can be there for your Mom. Right now she is avoiding me like the plague. I think I'll go before the people around here start thinking I'm crazy." Walker said.
With a tearful glance he read the back of Zac's tombstone. He had asked Taylor to put this on it. Zac did always have to be different, Walker thought.
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be; your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And, sometimes things happen to you and at the time they may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential strength, willpower, or heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.
Without these small tests-if they be events, illnesses or relationships -- life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life and the successes and downfalls you experience create who you are, and even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.
Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.
Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself....for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either. You can make of your life anything you wish.
Create your own life and then go out and live in it.

[ihategohip]

sorry it squished together but there it and I don't know who it was by.

[lisa lou]

hey.. i'm the author of hit so hard.. i didn't know that anyone still wanted to read it.. here is the link for anyone who wants it..

www.angelfire.com/geek/bluewatchtower/hit/hitsohard.html